Notes on: Use the Rule of the Chess Player to Strengthen Relationships and Perform Under Pressure

'How Emotionally Intelligent People Use the Rule of the Chess Player to Strengthen Relationships and Perform Under Pressure' is an article by Justin Bariso and was originally published on inc.com.

Learn how a simple principle taken from the game of chess can help you in business--and life.

If you are ever in New York on a nice day, you can go for a walk through Washington Square and come across a row of chess tables, often with groups of people watching as others play. The regulars have been there for a while and playing for a long time, and are often admired by the novices in the group, but even still, they make mistakes and sometimes the novices notice the mistake before they do, and we think, "how come they didn't see it?" What is happening here is the same thing that happens when spectators grumble at professional athletes for making an obvious mistake.

It's easier to see potential mistakes when we're not in the heat of the moment ourselves, under pressure and trying to make the decision. We are not as emotionally attached to the game as the actual player is, we do not experience an increased heart rate when we see a potentially good move, and we do not feel as much stress to win. This is "the rule of the chess player" - a concept that is based on the principles of emotional intelligence, and it could help you win more at chess, sports, and in life in general.

The rule of the chess player is based on the 'perspective gap' - a psychological principle that suggests we often misjudge how we would act, or how we reacted, to a stressful situation. When you are in a highly emotional situation your perspective will be very different than when you are not in that state anymore. Being aware of this rule is just the first step, the second step is to show more empathy.

Instead of judging someone who makes a mistake that you think they could have avoided, which could cause tension in your relationship with them, the rule of the chess player reminds us that we have been there before, making a mistake in a tense situation, and we should approach others with more understanding and compassion.

When you train yourself to react with compassion versus judgement you make a positive emotional impact on the other person who made the mistake and this strengthens your relationship with them.

Aside from helping you use moments of mistakes to strengthen your relationship with people, the rule of the chess player can also help you learn to perform better under pressure yourself.

Great chess players become great from practising over and over, but, as we saw in the Netflix series, 'The Queen's Gambit,' chess players do not just use a chess board and pieces to practise, they also practise in their heads, imagining scenarios and taking the time to think through what moves they would make if the situation were to happen during a real game.

By practising over and over, these players are developing habits and establishing processes that come much more easily because they are familiar to them. This is what allows them to speed up the game in their minds and think several moves ahead. Grandmasters rarely encounter situations they have not faced or at least imagined before, and when they do, they rely on core principles to help them navigate their next move, and you can do the same with your emotions.

When you repeatedly practise healthy ways to respond to stressful situations, you develop habits and routines that kick in when you are under real pressure, which will help you avoid panicking and potentially making mistakes. For example, if you have to have a tough conversation with someone, you can practise the conversation in your head, and you can even imagine a variety of reactions the other person might give and practise how you would handle each one. This will increase your chances of sticking to your principles and making better decisions.

You may not be a chess player, but remembering the rules that make someone a good chess player can also help you win better relationships and get better results.