Notes on: The Value of Learning to Say No

'The Value of Learning to Say No' is an article by Robert Glazer and was originally published on thriveglobal.com.

In the end, you might discover that saying no is the best way to say yes to something that will enable you to make your biggest contribution.

If you have more knowledge or higher levels of success in certain areas people probably ask you for help a lot, and you may be tempted to say 'yes', but sometimes doing so comes at the expense of our own job or career, your family and friends, and other people that command your time and attention. You cannot be everything to everyone and trying to do so will inevitably lead you to let yourself and others down.

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” - Warren Buffett

We may fear that saying 'no' makes us look unapproachable and above others, but there is a way we can do it that doesn't come across as rude.

Here are three strategies that can help you get better at saying no:

1. Give Up the Guilt. If saying ‘yes’ to something takes your focus away from something more important or something you have already committed to then saying 'no' is the right thing to do, and you do not need to feel guilty about doing the right thing.

2. Know Your Core Values. Next time someone asks you for something, consider whether that request aligns with your values, it will be easier to say no to things when you realize they do not move you toward what's meaningful to you.

3. Leverage Templates. The way you reject someone will make the difference in how easy it is to do, and how the person feels about it, and good ones often include a personal acknowledgement of the individual who is asking for help, an admission of your need to focus on your own priorities and previous commitments, a clear rejection statement, and note letting them know that you respond this way to most requests.

An Example of a Rejection

Hi Sophia,

It's great to hear from you and I am sorry for my delayed response.

I have been staying pretty focused on my priorities these days and as much as I enjoy helping out when I can, I am pretty booked up right now.

I am sorry I am unable to help you with your request, but at this time I do not have the capacity to add more to my plate. Staying focused is allowing me to spend time with my family and make progress in areas where I am committed.

It's been difficult sometimes, but I have had to say 'no' to all of these types of requests right now.

Thanks in advance for your understanding.

Jon

If you get a variety of requests you may want to develop a variety of templates for each different situation. You can even start a repository of templates for each different rejection you send out, as you never know when they might come in use again.

When we set our priorities and commitments in advance it makes it easier to say 'no' and having a template makes it easier to reject people knowing you are doing it the right way.

Of course there is nothing wrong with saying 'yes' to a request that you feel should be a priority and aligns with your values, but for the most part, saying 'no' more often keeps you focused on the areas you have already decided are the most important.