Notes on: Parenting While Distracted

'Parenting While Distracted' is an article by Arianna Huffington and was originally published on thriveglobal.com.

“Technoference” and how screens are disrupting our most important relationship.

"Technoference" refers to the negative consequences the presence of screens has while your child is still developing. When we are expressionless, like we often are when we are on our phones, our children sense we are distanced and withdrawn. You are there, but you are also not there. The use of mobile devices can have a negative impact on the child's social-emotional functioning and connection with their parents.

It is not only the children that are impacted by the devices, they tend to change the parents behaviour as well. A parent who is absorbed in their phones will react negatively when their child wants attention, perhaps scolding them, or even responded physically, like moving their hands away.

A study by Illinois State and the University of Michigan showed that technoference can also lead to long-term behavioural issues in the child as they grew up, and this could have negative consequences to society as a whole.

The issue can be cyclical, as dealing with children can be stressful and one of the primary means of escape is our cellphones, which could in turn exasperate the behavioural problems.

Children all over the world are expressing disapproval and concern over their parents use of devices, and how it interferes with stuff like family dinners and attending kids' sports games. They complain it is hard to get their parents attention, which leads to them feeling unimportant, or like a nuisance.

This is a global public health issue that we need to address, and educate parents with things like tips on device-free communication. We also need to talk about it more, but not in a shameful way. After all, awareness towards the value of presence, especially with a developing child has never been higher. These devices have been designed to steal our attention away, and we are just learning to fightback.

To turn this awareness into action, it is not recommended to go cold turkey. Some of us may need our devices for work, they can be a useful productivity tool, and they can also provide a much needed reprieve as well. Instead, take time to be present with your child if they are asking for your attention and you have the capacity to give it to them. If, however, they are otherwise occupied, perhaps playing on their own, or with a sibling, then that could be a good time for you to pick up your phone. The key is to remain conscious of your child or children, look at them and acknowledge them or what they are doing from time to time, maybe even give them a hug.

You thrive in the areas you are paying the most attention, so if we want our families to thrive then we need to be giving them most of our attention and not our devices.