Notes on: How to Get the Change You Want in Your Relationship

'How to Get the Change You Want in Your Relationship' is an article by Dr. Laura Berman and was originally published on oprah.com.

The Abundance Mindset

If you are feeling something missing in your relationship, and you feel it is not where you want it to be, try to think about what part you are playing in creating the gap between reality and your desired relationship. You need to be honest with yourself by opening up and reflecting on where you are feeling scarcity within yourself.

Often times, if your partner seems distant and disinterested, then you will feel unloved and resentment can build, which would make anyone upset, and focus on scarcity, aka what is missing. If, however, you can shift from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset, and focus on the positive aspects that do exist, then you will be happier and have an easier time attaining your desired relationship.

Acquit Your Partner

One common problem amongst couples is that they try to 'convict' each other rather than to 'acquit' each other. If you are always looking for ways that you partner is letting you down, then you can channel that attention to detail into looking for ways your partner is making you happy instead.

Start by focusing on all the things your partner does right. Every little thing that you appreciate, even something as simple as the next time he makes you a cup of tea, or helps you with a chore.

Then, start acting the way you want to be treated. So, if you are missing attention physically, then perhaps getting a little more dressed up for dinner than normal, or even increasing physical touch can help.

The Power of Suggestion

Your partner will pick up on these, whether consciously or sub-consciously, and they will begin to match your energy and reciprocate. In other words, you are more likely to be treated sexy when you feel sexy already. This is the power of suggestion.

You are simply creating the reality you want in your relationship, then sitting back while it slowly becomes true.

You cannot go wrong when you take control. Be the change you want to see in your relationship.