Notes on: How to Be a People-Pleaser at Work and Still Stand Up for Yourself

''How to Be a People-Pleaser at Work and Still Stand Up for Yourself' is an article by Matt Plummer and was originally published on thriveglobal.com.

The key to disagreeing effectively is to make others feel good about themselves, something people-pleasers excel at.

Disagreements happen and are necessary with critical thinking, but sometimes we avoid disagreements because we worry that they will damage our relationship with people, or impact our careers.

Disagreeing shows that you think independently and are confident enough to voice your thoughts, and when done in such a way that makes the people you disagree with feel good about themselves, it can:

• Lead to a promotion or pay increase.

• Improve your felt experience of work.

• Lead to higher-quality, longer-lasting relationships.

Here's how to do it:

• Ask questions. Questions cause people to think rather than defend themselves. They give people the opportunity to think differently and perhaps come up with alternatives themselves, which increases the odds that they feel valued.

• Propose alternatives. Sometimes people are pushing their ideas because of a lack of a better one, so when you propose other solutions, you open up their options. This can be done alongside asking questions. For example, "You may have thought about this, but instead of escalating the case further and taking up more peoples time, should we just give her the refund?"

• Make tradeoffs explicit. Sometimes peoples decisions are driven by incomplete or inaccurate information, and by ensuring they understand all the tradeoffs of what they are suggesting can help them reassess. For example, "I will be happy to take on this project, but this means that the report won't be done on time."

• Commit to defer upfront. If the person you disagree with is more senior, or ultimately has the final say, then before expressing your disagreement, be sure they know that no matter what you will go along with what they say, otherwise people in a position of authority might feel their authority threatened.